I have my first rehearsal for How I Learned to Drive today and this reminded me of a conversation I had last week about play rehearsals.

In an ideal world, an actor should feel at ease and relaxed enough to experiment and make mistakes during the rehearsal process. But, with all the fierce competition for lead roles, it’s really hard to do that.

If you make too many “bad choices,” you can feel like the director is watching you and wondering why they cast you – or even worse, wondering if they should replace you. It’s happened.

Particularly in the case of musicals, your fellow actors may have auditioned for the same part that you ultimately got. They may be watching and thinking, “Look at this guy. I’m better than he is. Why’d he get it over me?”

Paranoid? Maybe.

Reality? Definitely.

I’ve been on all sides of those scenarios.

As a result, you can feel like you have to give a finished performance, even as early as the initial table read. Not a great environment for creativity.

There have been many plays where I’ve felt like I had to prove that I’m worthy of not only having but keeping a role. Fortunately for me, those feelings tend to go away within the first few weeks of rehearsals. I settle into the role and gain confidence and from there, feel comfortable enough to take chances and experiment in the time I have left. Hopefully the director hasn’t locked down what he wants by then.

Doing shows is certainly a learning experience. There’s nothing like it. It’s just interesting to see how much you learn has little to do with the craft of acting.